The Season of Being Present

In every season there is a grace for something that comes particularly apparent in that season.  It's like the extra supernatural help that you need to learn sometimes a particularly difficult lesson.  In this season of Covid, there were a lot of things that got put into perspective and a lot of habits that revealed themselves.  It's funny how when things get quiet, what is on the inside of you becomes loud.  It was always there, it just was less noticeable with all the noise  of life.

I love my horse Legend.  If you follow my Facebook, he's probably photoed and talked about more than anything else including my kids.  I am about to have a grandchild so I am thinking that may change a bit.  I have owned Legend a long time.  About nine years.  In nine years time, Legend has learned everything about being a riding horse from me.  I got him as a two year old and put every ride and have had the most interaction with him than any other human.  With that displays the type of relationship that he and I have.  The interesting part about interacting with animals is that you don't speak the same language and you don't have the same value systems so in order to enjoy each others company and communicate effectively, you have to pick up signs of communication.  Over the years if you really want to learn, you start to learn the language of a horse.  It becomes funny though because the body language of a horse isn't much different from the body language of a human.  

For example, when Legend gets a bit nervous he starts to fidget with anything.  He will play with my shirt or asked to be scratched different places.  He will move his feet and just kind of be slightly annoying.  The flip side of this is that he is a very touchy horse.  He's curious and touches everything.  In the past I have wanted him to just stop.  Stop being annoying when we are doing certain things.  Now understand that Legend does not bolt, buck or rear.  He doesn't do anything harmful or outrageous, he just fidgets.   

When I get people into my office to come and talk to me do you know that one of the tell tail signs that they show me when they are thinking about something that is causing anxiety is that they will start to fidget.  They will wring their hands, tap their leg.  Their body will start somehow to be in motion because their mind is not at peace, it is in motion.  The body follows the mind.  

I am taking this opportunity with Legend instead of asking him to stop, to start to say I recognize you are worried about something and I would like to wait until you are ok with what we are doing.  When he becomes ok, he gives me different signs but the best sign is he will get peaceful and present.  His thoughts aren't running anywhere, they are with me and his body is calm.  In the past I have ignored these things first off because I didn't understand what they were communicating.  I kind of thought this is just him and I and there is a element of that.  Like I said, he also is curious and touches lots of things frequently and can be kind of like a kid with ADD.  The other side of that is that I wanted to accomplish something and it was easier to ignore small signs of anxiety than to stop, listen and be present.

Covid has forced us all to stop.  I am not sure that everyone has learned to listen and be present but I am very aware that there is grace for it.  There are seasons of dreaming about where you are going and what is coming next but this season I believe is about learning what really is going on inside of you and learning to be present with it.  It's easy to set aside the small things that bother me or overlook those things in my family or friends, especially when I have a agenda and I am taking over the world so to speak.  This season we've been asked to stay home and stop everything and what I have seen come of it is the equivalent in the horse world from fidgeting like Legend does to full on bucking.  The ugly has come to the surface.  We are heading into a season of new freedom but there is something to be said and learned about getting in tune with myself and with those around me and get present.  I actually don't want to push past my pain or anyone else's.  I want to see it and address it.  I want to sit in places where it hurts and find out why.  I want to watch my friend wring their hands and stop the conversation and say hey, looks like whatever is on your mind is causing some anxiety.  Would you like to talk about that?

I am now lately with Legend having many talks.  When he shows signs of anxiety, I take a step back and say no problem.  I notice that you are anxious, I will wait for you to be ok.  I then wait for him to give me a yes before we go further.  With my relationships I am putting aside my fears and waiting for someone's permission or for them to make a decision.  I am sitting with them in their pain and letting them know it's no problem, I'll wait for you to find some peace.  You don't have to pretend with me and we can both be right here in the moment together.  When you are ready, we can move on together.  Sometimes it means that someone stays in pain longer than I would like but I allow them the choice and I don't push them past it for us to get somewhere.  I've realized that until their mind is quiet, the issue is not settled and it's ok, I can wait.

Being patient and being present go hand in hand.  I have not been great at either.  I am learning to love both.