Swimming upstream or in my case against a wall.

Last week my youngest started back to school which kind of changes our whole Monday through Friday routine.  I try to swim Monday through Thursday every week and so now my time has changed. With Covid, swimming has been now a coveted thing.  There are only 4 available lanes and as a technicality now, they only want one person per lane.  Pre covid it was common place to ask to share a lane with someone which still isn't the ideal swimming situation but a beggar can't be a chooser.  With the change in time has come change in availability of swimming lanes.  There are 4 men who swim at the exact same time I do except they get there before me so I would be the fifth person....the beggar.  

The last few mornings I show up and sit to see if someone will invite me.  Two different gentlemen have.  Both of them happened to be on the lanes that are closest to the pool wall.  When you swim next to the pool wall, you get the most resistance from the water. Everyone's waves bounce off that wall and back to you.  Both men let me swim but I get the closest to wall.

This morning I got in and started in and within 5 minutes felt like I had been running a marathon.  I couldn't figure out why this mornings swim was so hard.  I realized what position I was in and also when you share a lane you have your wave and theirs.  If you are swimming right behind them it actually is helpful but when you are swimming going separate ways it adds to the resistance.  

I was reminded this morning that often times we think that we are all having the same experience because we are in the same pool.  The guy though that has the middle lanes is having a different experience than I am.  He has resistance too from the water and just by the nature of being in a pool, but the amount between him and I is different.  He also is physically stronger than I am, younger than I am and who knows what other factors are there.  None of this really matters unless he or I are trying to compare water experiences or expectations of what we can do.  If I get in the water and I'm in the position I am in, I can get discouraged.  I can look at everyone else and think why are they faster, better, whatever than me.  I can also be the other guy and think that the guy on the wall is having the exact same experience that I am.

Why does it matter?  It matters because what I think I know.  Just because someone is in the same pool with you doesn't mean that they are having the same experience.  It doesn't mean you know exactly what they are going through.  You definitely have an idea because you are both swimming in the same water so you have the shared experience.  I lose empathy and the ability to see and hear someone when I assume that I know anything.  My job with people is to get understanding in any conversation that I have with them.  It can be as simple as their day.  I am looking to understand how they have been experiencing life, not how I think that they should experience life.  There is a woman named Sarah Schlote that said the definition of attunement is "being seen, being heard, feeling felt, and getting gotten."  I love this as the standard that I have with myself when I am interacting with others.  To truly understand someone they need to know that they are being seen, being heard, feeling felt and getting gotten when they are with me.

The second part of this though is how do I treat myself and also what season am I in?  Sometimes in the pool of life I am in the middle lane.  Totally participating and engaged, it's just easier.  Sometimes I am in the same pool and it's a struggle and the struggle isn't swimming in the pool, it's where I am swimming in the pool.  And just for reference, you should be swimming in different lanes.  You are not always in the same season.  

Right now my swimming life is mirroring my real life.  Let me tell you that when I am in the pool I am looking for any chance to have my own lane and even better, not one next to the wall.  Any chance I get I take that because my goal is to swim 4 days a week.  That is enough of a discipline for me.  Lately though it's been I don't swim or I swim by the wall in a lane with someone else.  I've thought many times of just not going or going at a different time.  The issue is that swimming is part of my way I keep myself in a good place and if I don't go right after I drop my daughter off, often times I don't end up going because the second I walk into work, I now have other things that become important.  I find I miss a lot more if I don't just go the first thing.  I am a person that would rather be in the pool be it not the best swim I've ever had than not get in the pool at all.

Have some grace for yourself in every season you are in.  Your job is to participate in life.  Every time you get in the pool it's a win.